If I change my Instagram handle to accurately depict how I’ve felt the past 6 months (aka “Disheartened Injured Brookie”) then will I lose all my followers? Asking for a friend. Lolz.
Just keeping it real. But before I get into any of that, I’m going to start with the positives. Because there are plenty of them. 🙂
Overall life update.
I am so incredibly blessed. I am so happy with where I am in life, for the most part. We have endured and made it through the hell of second year. Hallelujah. I say WE because let’s not forget who is holding it down and bringing home the dough as the family sugar momma…..haha. Chase is now in clinic and is an amazing dentist with his patients. He’s catching on to everything quickly and thriving. I am in my 9th month of my job with the local children’s hospital that I LOVE and am so passionate about. My coworkers are amazing, and the kids and families I have met have forever changed my life. Our church community is fantastic, and Chase and I are both leaders over the youth. We have a beautiful apartment in a great part of Columbus, with a quirky, chubby, endearing cat whom we adore (pictured in this photo with our messy bedroom hehe).
We celebrated our FOURTH year of marriage this summer. I fall in love with that man of mine more and more every single day. The first two years in Columbus, thousands of miles away from family were ROUGH. But we’re doing so much better now, and these tough years have made us grow sooooo much closer. It’s been a blessing, really.
I am so incredibly FRUSTRATED. I strive to remain positive and uplifting on social media, but lately I’ve definitely strayed more over toward the “making things seem better than they are” side. Some of you have messaged me asking how I “never get in workout lulls” or “run soooo many miles every week.” Well. I definitely DO get in lulls. I’m in one. And lately I haven’t been running that many miles at all, actually! 😦
The truth is, I feel stuck. S-T-U-C-K. In the mud. Knee deep. The sticky, sludgy kind. And when I start to make a little bit of progress to emerge from said sludge, to put it dramatically, my hopes are crushed again, and I sink back slowly into the grime. Roll your eyes all you want but it’s been rough times USA for me this year. I’m injured. Not to the point of being unable to workout or run at all (thank the HEAVENS above!) — but to the point that I kind of suck. I have some type of a high hamstring tendinopathy — which basically means they’ll both flare up painfully any time I try to run a decent pace (sprinting is a no-no), run more than 6 miles or go uphill. Or try certain strength exercises. Or sit for longer than an hour. I’ve done and continue to do all I can on my own to heal — such as strength training (focused on glutes and quads), icing, foam rolling, stretching and physical therapy to no avail. I mean, I’m guessing I’d be even worse off without those things, but they aren’t making anything go away. I did however recently try out an awesome chiropractor, and she really helped — so fingers crossed she’ll continue to help me heal. 🙂
If you’ve followed me for a bit you know that I trained for and attempted to run the Cleveland Marathon in May. I worked so dang hard for 5+ months. 5am alarms. Two 20 mile runs, two 18 milers and a few sixteens… so I definitely put in some blood, sweat and tears. I was SO ready for it to pay off on race day. Except the weeks leading up to it I felt that inflammation in my hammies. I ignored it and figured it would go away during the taper leading up to the race. Well, I was fine… until mile 8 of the actual marathon. It got so bad that I was worried I was going to tear something, so I diverted to running just the 1/2 marathon when the two routes split. I was heartbroken to have not completed the goal I’d worked so hard at. However, I was optimistic that I’d done the right thing and would be able to fix the injury, and still run a full marathon soon so all my training wasn’t for naught.
Well, it just got worse. 😦 And since then I’ve been in this awful in-between. I can still work out, but I can’t push myself that hard and I most certainly can’t improve. Running has become my passion, my drive. For others, it’s bodybuilding. Or weight lifting. Or dancing. Or exercising to simply feel happy. But for me — there’s so much more to running than that. I love the feeling of being absolutely drained and depleted after a run, because I gave it EVERYTHING I had. I love that satisfaction of waking up and working hard and sweating before the world wakes up. I love improving and pushing myself to be more than I ever thought possible. You see, I have big goals and dreams for myself. But I just keep hitting this dang wall. My mind is stuck and hasn’t even had the chance to attempt what it knows it can accomplish.
When life gives ya lemons…
I know I have plenty to be grateful for and that there’s still so much I can do… but coming from a person who derives so much happiness and joy in life from setting and reaching goals … it’s beyond challenging. It’s been heartbreaking for me, frankly! But I do have hope. I have hope that I’ll be able to recover and return an even mentally stronger, faster person with a deeper hunger for success. 🙂
GOOD THING I CAN DO HARD THINGS. AND SO CAN YOU.
Here’s to this crazy, beautiful, difficult, unexpecting, confusing, worthwhile thing we call life — and all the seasons that come along with it! So I guess I should remember that this is a “season of injury/struggle,” and that it isn’t worth changing my entire instagram handle, because THIS TOO SHALL PASS! Plus I already paid for happyhealthybrookie.com and I really should stay on brand. Be right back gotta go snuggle this gray furball lover of mine.